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Chap. XIII.

How to drive Parasites and Flatterers from great mens Tables.

I T is an easic matter to drive away from our Tables, and great mens Tables, allsmell-fcasts, and cogging foisting fellows, and this will make our guests very cheer-full and glad , to fee such Cormorants and Parasites driven away, and derided by allmen. When therefore he sits down at Table,

7 hat his hands way grew b lacs when he wises of the Nafkin^

Beat Vitriol and Galls in a Mortar, put them in a narrow close sieve, that the powdermay come forth very fine ; with this wipe the Napkin, and shake it ; that what sticksnot, may fall off: then rub it with your hands, till you find that it sticks very fast ;then wiping and shaking off what stays not within, when the Parasite hath new wa-shed his hands and face, cast to him the Towel to wipe himself j and when it is wet,it will make hi-: hands and face as black as a cole, that will very hardly be wash'd outwith many washings. Being now wash’d and wiped,

That he may not swallow the meat he chews.

And we shall make him feel the more pain, if he be any thing dainty. I find in wri-ting, that if you stick under the Table a needle, that hath often sowed the winding-sheet of the dead ; and do this privately before supper, the guests cannot eat, thatthey will rather loath the meat, than eat it. But experience proves this to be falseand superstitious. Flerentinm faith. That Basel is an enemy to women , and that somuch , that if it be put under the dish, and the woman knows not of it, she will ne-ver put her hand to the dish, before it be taken away : but this is a most fearful lye.For a woman and Basel agree so well, that they not onely sow and plant them withgreat diligence in their Gardens , hanging in the Air; but they frequently feed onthem in meats and fallets. 1 have done it oft-times: I infused in a glass of wine onedrachm of the root of an herb we call Belladonna , Fair Lady,not bruising it too much ;and after twelve hours,or a little more, pour out this wine into another cup,and givehim that must eat with you,in the morning a cup of it to drink : then detain him withyou three hours • then call him to your Table, for the morsel he takes in his mouth,he can by no means swallow down, but he must hurt his chaps, and be in great pain,so that he can hardly drink- If you would have him eat or drink , let him gargle agood quantity of milk or vinegar in his mouth, and he will be as if he had sufferednothing at all. If we will T

Drive Par alites from great mens Tablesj

we can easily do it thus: If we strew some of the dry roots o? Wake-robbin on thedaintiest meats, like Cinnamon or Pepper, in powder - when he takes a bit of it, itwiil lo burn his chaps, and bite his mouth and tongue, and so fetch off the skin of hi*tongue, that he will so mump, and draw his chaps in and out, and gape, and makesuch sport, that will make people laugh : and the pain will not abate, until he hathanointed his chaps with butter and milk. Moreover, if you cut the leaves of Cuc-kowpint small,and mingle them with fallets ; those that eat of them, will have theirmouths ard tonsues to drivel so much, with thick spittle, that they cannot eat tillthey have wash'd it off. And itwilibe as good sport, if you like not your guest.

That all things the smell-fe aft eats^ may tafte bitter ,

If you rub the edge of the Knife, and the Napkin he wipes his mouth with, with thejuice ofColcquinnda, or flesh of it, ard lay it before him: For when he cuts breadwith the Knife,or any things else,and shall touch his lips with the Napkin,it will givehim such a filthy and abominable taste, that whatever he toucheth,tasteth,or licks,willhave a most horrible imack with it; and the oftner he wipes bis mouth, that he maywipe away this bitter taste,the more wiil his mouth, palate, and jaws,be tormented*that he will be forced to forsake the Table. We can also delude him so, That